Life May Not Be Perfect But A Beautiful Mind Makes it All Worthwhile ...

2008-10-24T11:17:00.003+08:00

If you guys were wandering if roselyn is lose with the wind, almost right.. haha.. was so busy and stressed up with my damn assignments that i don't even remember to eat dinner. i have finally finish the last of it and will sleep like there is no tomorrow when i hand it in! getting alittle feverish now, must be a warning sign of overworked. I'm somewhat starting to hate the culture here. part of it is liberty that course mates can sent their essay for you to reference, but part of it is pure annoying when your group mates just leave you there to swim for your life, writing god knows what! what happened to the care and share lifestyle? anyway, enough of that. let me tell you how i spent my 21st birthday.
actually it's nothing much really. rented a car to drive, something i always wanted to do, and scare the wits out of all my friends with my shocking driving skills.. haha.. and as usual, i can't park. hee...
when to watch the last sunset of my 20th year on 10/10/08, but didn't manage to wake up for the 1st sunrise of my new chapter because i was too tired after the 2 hours drive to and fore.
on the day itself, 11/10/08, got my very 1st birthday gift at 9.35am! my 1st and last parking ticket fine!!!! hahaha, cause we never move the car away before 7.30am, therefore got fine... opphzz.. anyhow, when to a winery 1hr's drive away from home. the view was breathe taking. but it was a rush and pity because we had to go to church soon after. Ended the day with a quiet dinner with my church friends, oh well, at least i did something and celebrated this year! oh ya! and my housemate did gave me a surprise birthday surprise at 12am, how sweet of her.. so that's me, my 'big' day and I.. haha...

2008-10-05T22:11:00.003+08:00

there goes another week and here i am blogging in a blog that most probability only i will read. sounds sad hey? oh well, at least i can get all my thoughts out of my head before i continue full on with my 4000 word essay. so, where should i start, well, i guess it's true about the saying that a leopard will never change it's spots. somehow, i realized that i am still who i was 3 years ago, not changing a single bit. as much as i hated the past and all mess that was in it,i just don't understand why the past seems so attractive. it lures me back like a flashing sign board or should it be bonded me like a jail ball. no matter how hard i try, no distances how far i run, it's haunts me like a ghost from the past.so here i am, in a new place, with new people, yet dreadfully back to square one, where the mess begin and the wreckage start. a full circle of sticky situations that i tired so hard to avoid without avail.
a story left untold is still a story itself. at the end, it's none but the author who wrote it that is accountable for it's publishing and outcome. i really wish i could burn the past, it's like an ugly scar that sits right under the corner of your nose. no amount of effort will conceal it, and ultimately becomes a pest in your sight. too much is left in the dark, and countless memories shoved up the yard. yet my heart starts to grow numbed to a thing called consciences, dying in my world of no escape.

2008-09-19T23:25:00.003+08:00

well, if it is one thing i realise as i live through this lonely yet stressful, hellful months of never ending assignment in Aussie land, is that every song has it's unique story behind it. each song heard represents a person who was once or is since in our life. that's why people always claim that this is OUR song. yeah~ definitely!
i walked home one night listening to my MP3, and song after song reminded me of the days and memories i had with the person associated with the song. never a less i dreadfully miss those times, yet am glad that it is over. so am i happy with what's left in my 'pretty' picture right now? the constant silence traps inside me.

2008-09-07T19:36:00.002+08:00

Oh well, i know it's really a long time, around a month plus that I haven't been blogging, and lets say that lots of things has changed. even my view about life and the world. anyway, that won't be much of a concern rather i am very thankful for friends that are always there for me. people like Mei2, Diana, and Feng, we passed the 9th year mark of friendship last month and i am very proud to say our bond is only growing yet stronger and stronger each day. no distance nor circumstance could rob us of the memories we share and the love we embrace. Not forgetting my dearest Elizabeth too! where would i be without all of you?!
anyway, got a new room, with a breath taking-soul lifting view, over looking the whole of Melbourne on the 19th floor, and a good size room to even begin with etc. I've found new hopes, dreaming fresh dreams. things seems pretty well for me now.
though it all, i learned that nature can't be rushed and history can't be recked. things have it specific time of itself that can't be change and our ultimate job is to be patience and wait!
I am longing for my day to come, the day i breathe every breath for. to love and to be love. only time will tell... an unread story yet to be unveil.

2008-07-30T09:35:00.004+08:00

I'm so tired! my over worked body is wearing off soon. time is moving so fast yet i am not going fast enough to catch up! days are a dread chasing after trains and trams, walking down endless streets searching for some puny fixtures or huge yet find-me-not buildings. I just need a rest, a good one where I have nothing to worry about, no buses to catch, no rents to mess my bank accounts about, no irresponsible people to drive me up the wall and a little miss perfect i can pretend to be! drowning. sinking in the mess of my own.

2008-07-14T22:17:00.003+08:00

picture of my current cave as i promised ages ago. It's an angle from my door if you were wandering.Ha~

compared to my 1st room last year, it's peanuts!

2008-07-12T22:13:00.003+08:00

I know it had been a very very very long time since i last blogged! sorry guys! just didn't have the time too! and when i do, that is when i sleep! am suppose to do my case study now but end up blogging again! found a part time job as a carer in an old folks home, so it's back to wiping people's ass again! need $ to pay rent though, so what choice do i have?
anyway, life's hectic living so far from home. it's getting super cold here and i don't like it either. it affects my back when it is and it aches like mad! now it's back to clinicals and ironically i am in a spinal ward.. dotz, might end up there (as a patient) one fine day... ha~things aren't getting any better either. my not that new place isn't merely perfect too. hope things will look brighter and better tomorrow (or maybe the day after tomorrow and after that)!
yup! so that's life in Aussie land! back to my case studies or i will be hacked by my teacher on Monday! ta~

2008-05-31T20:21:00.003+08:00

Haven't bloggie for quite some time already ya? I have moved about a week now into my new place in the heart of Melbourne city and I'm somewhat quite settled in the place now. my 'roomie' (the other person living in the house) is nice also. Overall, i am the maria in the house (to what i perceive). I have been doing tons of house work more then all my past 20 years put together!(I'm treated like a princess back at home in Singapore) wearing out real soon!!! full time student, plus exams coming soon. part time patient care worker, labouring 3 days in a week. and the rest of the time a free-lance maid, but the house is getting much cleaner by the day though (which is good!). not such an eye sore now... the sudden thought of Cinderella came into my mind..lol!
anyway, i quite like my life now, just that i need abit more balance with work and rest and maybe alittle company.. lol... i guess i seriously need to get some sleep now, the night is getting longer due to winter and i barely can open my eyes. crap!
nighty!
ps. will post some photos of my room real soon..stay tune mates! haha...

2008-05-15T19:19:00.004+08:00

This was a poem that I wrote about a month back when i was very upset, still am, but thought i shared it with you all.
based on my true story...

behind walls i laid,
hearing people speak,
voices that chatters with a familiar tone,
with contexts that fix no man to hear.
she should do this and can't she do that,
all basing on what they thought it was,
but never even near.
there afar i stood so quiet,
they didn't know i was,
listening to those horrible stuff,
could it be me i thought?
but why oh why couldn't they tell me straight,
the nasty things they think and thought,
that shattered all there were within,
those closest whom i will never trust.

a truthful heart i only desire,
no use of lying with all those blunter.
what's the point a hypocrite can't change,
I'll just hang on for the yet great tales they say!

2008-05-14T18:36:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling all shitty today. another long day, once again a goner week. having a horrible headache right now, seriously feel like chopping my head off! what's more, adding on to all the poo, brought the wrong tram ticket just now that cost me 28bucks and the freaking person said i can't change it but could fill up a refund form, crap! i don't need that! it will take ages! AND this is not the 1st time with me and the wrong tram tickets!!! hate it!
had ah bong celebrating her 21st last week, made me think should i go back to Singapore for 2 days or so, if my uni permits me to, to celebrate mine back where all my friends are.. hmmm... then how about should i do it? since if i am travelling so far, must make the full use out of it, seriously it's not cheap! still pondering though, since 21st is only once in a lifetime.. but what's with 21st anyway? crap!!!

2008-05-06T09:38:00.003+08:00

I am super super stress now. sitting in this crowded library surrounded by people busy burying their head in their assignments and books, and here i am writing my blog! CraP!
GosH! i just received an email telling me that my exams are in June, and i am moving out end of May!!!! how much more chaos can it get?? and i haven't touch a single bit of notes or my assignment yet!!! * seriously freaking out*
stress stress stress stress stress.....
i am just in bad shape. better get back to work.. tell you later why...

2008-04-27T19:10:00.003+08:00

When will i get home?

cold and dark outside~

It's a lonely journey...

2008-04-27T18:53:00.003+08:00

Have been very lazy in updating my blog lately. spent hours staring at the screen and do nothing! lol. anyway, I have found a place in the heart of the city which i am sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with another person, which is good, because i finally don't have to travel 2 hours 1 way to school and hear planes flying over my room everyday! welcome Melbourne, here i come!!! well, just hope and pray that my housemate is someone nice living with!
I really miss my friends back at home. it sometimes can get quite lonely here with no one to turn to. and everyone is like so far away in distances which made things worse. i heard lots on the excitement on the F1 in Singapore, how cool can it get! but it's a pity it's my exam period during that time.
I should be in my new place by June, so that means at the mean time i still have to cope up with all the travelling and mood swings...
wish me luck!

2008-04-04T18:27:00.002+08:00

Time really flies and it's the fourth month of 2008! I really do hope it's a great year ahead because i just got my driving license yesterday! hooray! Finally! that proves that failure is not fatal, just continue on trying. life's abit slow here, specially today which i can't figure out why. but i am looking forward to tomorrow though, i can go to church! there goes another week...

2008-03-27T10:10:00.002+08:00

BrrRrr... It's starting to get colder here! My room tempt is currently only 12 degrees. looks like winter is coming.. been slacking at home, out shopping, and watching tv.nothing much interesting if you were hoping for something. i feel as though i am going to rot soon. i need something to do desperately!
anyway, it seems like i am losing my way again. i don't know where to go, who to turn to, what to do, when to start or how to start. like a little boat sailing in the huge ocean, starring blankly into the sky. BrrRR... freezing!

2008-03-23T16:13:00.002+08:00

I am such a loner! went to watch step up 2 myself. but it was good yeah! it makes me wanna learn how to dance too... one day i will...

Anyway, i am starting to get pretty irritated with my life right now. I'm getting nag all day long and being pick for everything i do. what kind of torture is that!?
if only i could express that agonizing pain, never ending sorrow. if only i have wings, i will fly!
welcome to my life!

Memories

2008-03-21T13:18:00.003+08:00

Memories. are distorted fragments of what is left of us, that validates the times we shared. They are all i got of my dreamy past, and the only standing witness of the partnership we had. we walked along a series of events, leaving fond pictures in our minds that were so magical. As long as i don't forget, it will be the sweetest thing i can remember.

2008-01-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

In just a matter of days everything seen and done here will only be a fragment of the memories stored in our mind. No one can ever change the painful facts, nor take away those precious moments stored up there. Yet i have seen a number, sufficient i reckon, for me to say that behind every front has it's own story, a story yet to be told.

They say a picture can paints a thousand words, yet the lines that tells it are so vague, that many a time it will just be overlooked.

The ones you most depended on seem to often fail you at the time you needed their support the most. Yet this crude world we live in expects and demands from you unreasonably the one thing you didn't get and crying out so desperately for.

what had happen is only for a moment, but it's aftermath haunts us for life.

2007-11-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

I don't have a father. I don't have a home. i was never welcomed back in Singapore. Better off without me... Never got appreciated for the things i did. But who cares, the whole world, or at least Singapore will be happier without me, roselyn cheong here. -Nobody's child-

sob

2007-10-08T16:46:00.000+08:00

Sitting by the composed and peaceful silence of the lake is all i want to do now. call me temperamental, i am. going through the motions of life has wore me out.and lost in this crude world of insensitivity, i wonder really how much longer more do i have till i graduate? not literally, but when all are well and settled. if tears could save the drought, i will cry a river. why?! why in the foolishness state of the world cause pain and confusion to oneself? i am one lost soul. lost in the vivid vision of truth and myths. i need a hug, because out of it comes ford sincerity, security and comfort. just like a child in her mum's embraces, i won't fear even if the sky would have fall.

attention myself!

2007-09-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes, this little world of my can be so ironically cruder. just like how i don't even know who i am blogging to, things can be abit over the edge for me at times, like now. so who is right, what is right and how everything can go wrong?
at the end of the day, all i can say is that i had enough! at my age, i should be taken care of... make sense don't it? or at least me being a girl, the weaker of the sexes, i should be look-aftered ya? i bet it's not something new hey.
however, things in jumble Joe's world isn't the same here. i get so tired because i have to oversee stuff that aren't in my scope of 'have to' in the family and be responsible for many other vital stuff in my life.
i end up being a mother to many but none of my own.*geez* don't i deserve to be pampered and live a life like what other girls my age gets?
i submit to fate that maybe, something better awaits. behind the dark clouds there will always be the sun that patiently wait for due time to appear. but why must others add for burden on me then? have some sympathy yea?
therefore i concluded that if you can't share my burden and support me, please leave me alone. i am no better alone than with another extra load of attention seekers. it is that much i can give. i need my childhood back which i never had. never will i believe that fairy tales do come true. how i wish it does!

a penny for my thoughts? i've gone through it...

2007-09-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes we wonder why do bad things happen to us? and why must it rain on a once beautiful day? only to realize how much we will then appreciate the sun and its warm while we shiver in the cold, and how good it is to be at home when we are thousand miles apart.how often do we misjudged how much we love the people around us? that we would never realize cause we are so near and in reach of each other. that then we try so hard to pay back for lost time, and working extra to catch up with the ongoing when they are not as near like before, lest we forget about the other party's personal space.

never say i am sick of you when you are tired of that person, lest you will miss them dearly when they are gone.
never say it is so hot, cause you wish for the slightest ray of heat while in the dreadful cold.
never say it's not worth trying because second chances don't come every time.

think first before you act. a good wise old saying. because it's always having gone through near death that you appreciate life more!

2007-08-19T19:56:00.000+08:00

nothing in life is more constant then change. and next in line is the weather. we always fail to fully understand what we really cherish until we almost lost it. often, we have to learn it the hard way to realise how much it meant to us. yet, when will we ever learn?

most of the time we get to choose which path we want to walk in life. so along the dark alley i may walk, and no, I'll have no one to blame but myself if something bad happens to me, cause i chose it. we have to take responsibility for our actions they often say; yet we oversee them big time while we are in it. against all odds we hope for the good, like saying that the boat will not sink when it's already half way drowning. so who is there to blame at the end of the day?! ourselves!

2007-08-01T19:05:00.001+08:00

I can see the sun rise from my bed room! How cool is that?

2007-07-28T22:22:00.000+08:00

people practically walk in and out of our life's' daily. like every passing cloud that floats in the sky, they are at specific places for a good reason, to block the excessive sun rays when needed. however it comes a time when the weather turns windy and it blows the clouds away, that we realize that it's not forever that we can hide under it's shade of comfort.
our friends are like the sun shades we wear. we see the world from different perspectives and colour, which a naked eye couldn't do with them. yet so often we rely on them so much we lose the sense of self judgement on how bright things could become.
and as we stroll along the breezy path at the beach, it suddenly comes so clear to us that whatever we can see now won't last forever. soon, the sun will rest and the moon will settle in, revealing it's own set of beauty. accompanied by the stars that twinkles by it's side, the journey still goes on... without the sun shades and without the fluffy clouds, but only the new dark sky as the limits, nothing won't be impossible... along side acquaintance with the memories that was imprinted into our minds; the times when we used to walk along this sandy path, hand in hand, watching the horizon, that life got to go on and that time is not on our side. fate had ran out for many, together with the red round yoke that once lit up the universe. maybe tomorrow will be a better day, and somehow, somewhere at a cross road, that we might meet again soon.
12:22am 29/07/2007 Aussie time

Mood swings!

2007-07-24T14:32:00.000+08:00

Yeah~ you're right, being sick while overseas isn't a fun thing at all. happy to say that i just recovered from diarrhea yeaterday, only god knows what i ate, and now, i am suffering this thing call home sick. it's like i don't want to do anything at all, because i am so sick of everything around me. I can't access to my e-mails, msn nor even have a connection at my place to start with. no luck in making friends either.
well, i'm starting to realize that i don't really understand all my lectures, i am actually very lonely deep down inside, and i do miss everybody back in Singapore alot! even so those who make my life miserable. sigh...
anyway, no worries, as the people here always say. i will upload my room pictures the next round i log on. there i go again- sigh...
4:32pm Aussie time

decision making

2007-07-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

life can actually be very taxing. everyday, it's all about making decisions. and it's the decisions that we make every second that counts and determines our future to come.
lets put it this way, it's mind over heart. that's because the heart is weak and gets distracted easily. we live in a complicated world, where the greats deception is cheating the untruth that it's all for real. therefore, the mind call the shots. the big boss if you would like to call it.
we play games, set rules, and go against all human consciences. so constantly we forget even the simplest human touch we once had and soon, numb that part of ourselves which beats constantly yet quietly in it's place, supplying all of it's goodness of rich oxygenated blood to the brain where it keeps it going.
yet, so often it have been left neglected and unappreciated. being left ignored and going against all odds, the heart never complains. it just produce this magical thing called feelings. however somehow, it got manipulated too in the process.
this thing call life... what do you reckon?!
11.58pm aussie time.

opphs! my tummy's singing~

2007-07-18T13:32:00.000+08:00

hmmm... i guess life here isn't that bad after all. other then my hungry tummy now, basically settling down quite well... got to know some new friends, while cool though, at least i am not a loner now... haha... can't wait till Friday, because that's when my flat mate moves in.. *thumbs up* everything seems to fall in place now... Thanks God!
anyway, i still have hundred and one things i want and wish to do, hope 2.5 years will be enough for me to finish them! sigh~ life's sooo different when you don't have those close to you near you. i get mood swings now and then and really do yearn badly for a big hug. but i guess it will just have to wait then...
everyday is an adventure lived. every minute is so precious. but nothing beats the comfort zone i used to live in... miss it so so dearly!
-from a somebody to a nobody!-
3.32pm Aussie time.

Help!

2007-07-16T14:15:00.000+08:00

it's the 1st day of school and i am wearing out soon. i am so lost. the lessons, the notes, how to get stuffs around here and things like that. my dumb lap top isn't connecting to the wireless system, the cost to print notes here is high, and i have been running all around this rural town call Bundoora the whole day now.
i know it's not good to start complaining on the 1st day of classes, but i seriously got to admit that i am damn tired. i don't really know why!
as i type now, my head spins, and my body and soul drained out in exhaustion. am i falling sick? hope not!!!
what's life without fun and relaxation? but how could i when everything here is so costly and all i could do is to study my best i know how to compensate for lost time and money spent. ARGH!!! give me a break someone...
anyway, i guess i better be heading back now, it's freezing cold outside and getting dark soon. one bad point about winter, it's barely 5pm yet. the days are short ya? sigh, what can i say then... i really do miss Singapore!
4.15pm aussie time

cold cold and still cold!

2007-07-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

wow!? 1 week has passed and my lessons start this coming Monday. feeling abit scare though, how will everything and everyone be like? hmmmm.... i guess it will be hard work from then on. i should be fine, i will be... if it don't kills me, it will make me stronger.. JIA YOU!
i really miss all my friends in Singapore. now at the moment i have none here. hahaha... what a living joke right? haven't settle my net, land line and stuffs like that. hopefully i can do it by the end of the month.
I'm going to church tomorrow. finally!!! i get to interact.
anyway, i guess i still really can't let go of certain stuffs from the past. which i thought i could if i leave the place. no matter how hard i try, i just end up denying myself and the truth that i still care.
under the same sky we share it's beauty, though breathing different air, living different cultures, and thousand miles apart, but my heart is still the same. and looking upon the same bright star at night, i wish you well and happiness in everything you do. while you still have what you got now, love and cherish it, it won't be there forever and it will never be the same. so if once got a hold of it, hear me out, never lose heart. at least not till the person is gone, that you will regret that something could had been worked out. yet!, never regret in life, just move on... cheers!
9.10pm aussie time

life's cold reality..

2007-07-07T19:39:00.000+08:00

it is so true that we will never know how much we care and cherish for that something or someone until we lost it. being away and alone in a far away land for more then 12 hours now, it is the every second that made me realize how much we used to take for granted what was always around us and the value of each moment lived together. many things in time i hope i could relive. the times we laughed, late nights out, shopping, the times spent hogging the phone, and along with many others, it was like as if there was no tomorrow. but the tomorrow came, and i had to go.. far far far away. but never aless, life have to go on...
little and never did i expect that one fine day i will come so far, away and out of my comfort zone, venturing into a foreign land, "starting a new life". lets look at it this way, i will be back a better person ya? prettier, i hope.. much stronger and Independent, more capable, in every area life challenges may bring.
soon, some may become history, blurred by circumstances, because time will let memories fade. but i will remember that there was once this beautiful piece of picture, now blank, awaiting for another spectacular start! i will always remember all the memories imprinted in my life, because this is what i have brought along with me, closest to my heart.
7/7/07 9.40pm aust

2007-07-05T02:31:00.000+08:00

Friends are an essential in our life. As the saying goes: no man is an island. Just like water and bread, they keep us going. Thank you! For all the fond memories you have inplanted in me. I am more then contented, that every second spend with you is all worth while. One life i have, a happier one you all have made it be... I will miss you and all the times we had together! Forget me not! God Bless!
My "Good boy"!

Nursing warriors!

Best buddies...

My soul friend!

2007-06-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

They say time will heal all wounds. But it's only superficial. In fact, it's the mind that keeps us away from insanity, and the healing tissues that covers the den made in our life lessen the pain so that it does not hurt that much. Anger is only fear turn inwards. We are angry with whatever and whoever that inflicted the injury. But deep down inside, we fear the hundred and one 'what if' and 'maybe' that only existed in nether world. And it stops us from moving on. All of us makes good script writers. But don't manipulate what could not have been into the screen production. Why limit what you can have when it's all in the mind that controls and runs the circumstances we will go though? The saying goes that if it can't kill us, it only will make us stronger.. Never lose hope because it has never change abit the day we kept it in the box called doomed...

A confused child...

2007-06-13T01:08:00.000+08:00

Why would people need what they cannot want and want what they do not need? where memories dominates the mind of one, let time forget how long it would take to keep it away from remembrances. in a nut shell, many words are uttered out of our mouth daily, but none of it would be true without the company of actions, least they are just said to shut the questioning party up. I am who i am, but who am i to know am i who i think i am?!

2007-06-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

The greatest enemy one could make in life is not those who have hurt or wrong you, but yourself. because no one can make you feel the way you feel except yourself. nothing can come in your way unless you allow it to. so lets put it this way, when things are not going the way it should be, you have no one to blame but yourself.
many atimes we love to put the blame on others, least it gives us comfort for that moment. but we have never wander why with a world population so huge,that problems just have to pay a visit to you. it is how you see it, it can make you stronger or pull you down. but cheating the one that you know best you can never cheat, it's always the case where we can't get in any working terms will ourselves. we will find ways and means to harm ourselves, forcing then with a pen on our throat into situations where only self disruption will occur. so why bluff yourself that if only i can't see it, i think they won't see me either? when all you did was to lie down in the middle of a war zone with your eyes close?! moron calling the idoit stupid...
on the contrary,we can be happy,look happy, am happy. but how trueful are we to ourselves that we expect others to be to us?!

If you spoke rubbish to a road sweeper, you might get some wisdom you know?!

2007-06-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

Beyond our boundaries and limits we could not cross. That is something very true! Hard cold reality has lately knocked the living day light out of me. Reveling the hush and painful truths altogether. Onces blinded by all the illusions of which only have ourselves to blame, it brought me back to this vivid world where controvesry runs the circus and bad things often happen to good people. Why what and how are normally the three words people ask when chaos approach. As if it will scare the shit out of it and make it flee along it's messy trail?! But trouble has never fail to establish the fear factor in everyone when it strikes. Along with all no good, problems will make your stay on earth a re-renovated hot pot- Hell!

Actually, I'm also not very sure what i am blurting about. But just going through the routine of self analyzation; what have i did wrong to deserve all the shit i am getting right now? How could it be possible and why me AGAIN? Isn't the intolerable self-conflict and inflicted pain enough for me myself and I to bear?! Oh~ As though anyone would bother... MORON!

"Beyond all boundaries often lays something we want but do not need.Stepping into it only inflicts pain and hurts."

Nature's beauty! For what life's worth living for...

2007-06-08T00:04:00.000+08:00

A brand new day, a whole fresh start...

God's Art Piece...

An Open Heaven!

Done...

2007-06-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

7th of June 2007... A whole new world awaits me... I really can't wait to leave this cold kingdom... because i am only the princess of my own lonely palace... better off gone... i hope there will be freedom there... i pray life will be happier... nothing holds me back now... my future is in my hands... I run my life! So i love and live for myself...

Say Goodbye- By Chris Brown

2007-04-29T20:56:00.000+08:00

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what i need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?
Oh, oh, oh [4x]

2007-04-28T16:13:00.000+08:00

I guess i could make do without you... under the same heaven we live totally different lives; breathing the same air however sharing different dreams... yet fate played a joke on us to let us met. in a place where things could never flourish, from a space which nothing can be taken seriously.
A friend once said to me, whatever happens in the club stays in the club... I guess something extraordinary did happened. we could have remain strangers but fate made us friends. we could chose to live our own life as it was, but we hanged around expecting for something to happen. everyday lived with you in it is filled with all of tomorrow's hope. I hope to see you soon!

sorry...

2007-04-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

*sigh* Finally had i realize that all this while, i have been taking things and the people around me for granted. it is not only till when somethings happened, and messes things up, that i know and i know how good they had been to me and i SHOULD by right learn how to appreciate them. They don't owe me a living really~ Yet, i was again abit too late to get all my thoughts straight. Many have i hurt. I'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart...
And do you know something? Now i finally know why love is not made to order. when you are with someone, being comfortable, yourself and free are the most important factors one cannot leave out. you will naturally be happy or they will make u feel so. the sense of belonging will lift your mood up no matter how low it is... But if that someone is not the right one, no matter how hard you try to make it feel right, it won't have the same feeling and will never will. I understood that it's not how we want things and when we want it to be and to turn out to that counts, but it's time that is in control and nature in it's course. It should never ever be rushed...
My yesterday and last Friday was equally packed, fairly tired, and seriously shag. In terms of timing, you can say i stretched myself to the max. Better of died, but I'm glad i survived...

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

2007-04-26T13:52:00.000+08:00

It's really sort of simple:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

A penny for my thoughts?

2007-04-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

this is it... i shall start counting down the days i am left in Singapore... mum paid my course fees yesterday (therefore die die, change my mind also have no choice but to go!), and they(IDP) is now processing my acceptances and visa etc. I'm seriously going to miss everyone here... another one month and few days on the countdown,and it will be faster then i thought. there are many people i wish to see before i go. because i won't know till when will i see them again. hope 2 and a half year won't be too long for them to still remember me...
and as for myself, i got to grow up and stop fooling and messing around anymore. i have to learn independents and how to make up my mind. a hundred and one 'have to' before i go, a thousand and one 'must do' before i forget. *sigh* so many things but so limited time... God, help me manage my time well,and cope with all that is needed to be handled and settled...

2007-04-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

So i guess it will only be memories that link us together...and 1 fine day, when we look back at our glories past, i will dearly miss the days we shared... you and me, will just be part of a fairy tale story, who is struck in a once upon land, not knowing whether it's a happy ever or never ever after ending... all is in suspends. only heaven knows...
I won't mind just watching you sleep all the days of my life... because when you do, you look so vulnerable. it's a blessing to be beside you where you are, even though i know I'll get nothing in return after giving you my all... I will never forget those moments...

A penny for my thoughts?

2007-04-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

No... it's priceless!!!

2007-04-24T19:28:00.000+08:00

doc? save me?

2007-04-24T00:34:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with my body? can't stop being thirsty ever still 10pm... have been drink more than 10 cups over 2 hours already and i can't help but be thirsty... WHY WHY WHY? do you think i have diabetes? it's one of the signs and Symptoms you know.... GOSH!

S/S of DM:
-frequent thirst despite drinking lots of water
-passing excessive urine during day and night
-constant hunger
-weight loss despite good appetite
-constant tiredness
-poor healing of skin cuts and wounds
-itchy skin especially around the genital area
Note that some diabetics may not experience any symptoms at all.

HOW? i got these 4(in bold) out of 8 S/S?!

Why am I turning towards depression again?

2007-04-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

ARH! it's Monday blues! dragged myself to work. somehow got my mum to sent me to the MRT station... come to think about it, it had been ages sinces i last sat her car... have been sitting my friend's Fairlady for some time now, so gotten used to the seat being so low, realize that her Kia picano seat is so high... haha...
anyway, took a blood test today... nothing better to do right? so got the my doc to poke me... haha~ not really actually... wanted to know my blood type, so did a blood grouping test...
but i seriously have fine veins sia... she spent almost 5 mins searching for a good one, but couldn't... she resulted in drawing blood from the back of my hand... the most painful place to poke because of all the nerve endings there.... but still, there wasn't even a good vein to draw sufficient blood from... out of 5ml needed, she only managed 1ml... crap! hope it's enough, or else i will kill her! haha...
and damn~ i broke a heart today... HELL, i feel so bad... i really didn't mean too.... serious!! i just don't want anyone to suffer in silence just because of me... at least now i know that an open wound is caused, it will for sure heal as time to come... i hope i am right about this...
i took an afternoon nap upon reaching home from work... slept till 9pm... now i can't sleep... damn~! i guess i shall take some Dhasedyl( cough syrup) to knock me out.... got to work tomorrow....

Hmmm.....

2007-04-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

It seems like it has been days since the last time I've been blogging ya? I'm also not sure what i am busy with... hehe...
so let me summarize my week....

20 April 2007
Finally got my nursing licenses! After the long wait and tough training, i am now a qualified nurse. I'm so proud of myself! It's a been long day today. Went to work, then after that to school to collect my final transcript and finally to nursing board to register...paid a freaking 70 bucks for the practicing cert. damn expensive la....I'm broke.
had my driving lessons at 5pm... dun even know what's wrong with me sometimes, i stalled the car twice, and mount the kerb once...thinking that i am still doing such Things as my test date nears scares me...Help! ate dinner with Peiying at city hall at 7pm... did alot of catching up! she treated me to it though... I only had 3 bucks to my name~ Thanks! later, walked ALONE from city hall to orchard( because i had hell plenty of time) to meet him for a movie. Was very tired actually but because of some reason i couldn't understand, i went ahead with it... we watched 200 pound beauty... A very nice show in my opinion. it voiced out my thoughts and feelings. so near, yet so far... so my packed Friday just ended off like that, caught a night rider 7 home after the show. Progression, NONE~

21 April 2007,
Freakingly *toot* pissed off today! An IDIOT dropped my phone today... on the road somemore! talk about no appreciation for your kindness! damn, there are scars on it now... as the clumsy owner of the phone, i didn't even drop it, then what hell qualify's you too?! you piece of shit! i won't like it as much as i dd before already. I'm one freaking perfectionist... maybe i will give it away and get a new one if i have the cash... Damn! why must you make me dislike it when i am starting to accept it? and create more trouble for me sia?! HATE YOU!

Sunday, 22th:
Last day of the week... sianz... was craving for pizza, so ordered a meal... real filling, i believe I've gain weight already... whatever.... i dread going to work tomorrow.... *sigH*

Look who's talking?!

2007-04-20T01:19:00.000+08:00

I guess i finally came to my senses now...
thanks to Joel...
was having a heart to heart talk just now through msn...
it's funny how certain people appears in your life at different point of time?
he made me believe that if i just set my focus right, on the correct thing for the right time, then all things will go pretty well and right... but 1st, i have to first learn how to love myself before i come and talk about love.. yup! haha....
I will be a stronger person, because all the answers are all up to me... how i want to live my life is all in my hands... =)

I don't have much time left...

2007-04-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

I guess my days here are limited. it's already mid April and my path is still so blur and filled with humps and bumps. have to clear those obstacles before i leave Singapore for good, or for bad? sometimes, freedom is not a good thing for me.... because i don't know my limits and boundaries.
so lets recall Thursday the 19...
hmmm.... joke of the day: used tongue depressors to eat my instant noodles!!!
what a clown i am... that's because i was so blur to forgot to ask for a pair of chopstick when i bought my cup noodles from cold storage for lunch, and i couldn't find any at work. so, i mean, What else does a clinic have that i can use to pick my noodles other than the 'ice-cream sticks' look alike? haha... so pathetic! loser... and what makes it more cartoon is that my colleague showed my a big bunch of chopsticks stored in one of the drawers when she came back! ARHHH!
OK... so i make a fool out of myself again... gotten used to it anyway.
couldn't remember why my colleague and i started on the topic, but we were suddenly talking about how guys of the same age as us girls don't have the equal level of maturity when it comes to the way we think? Oh ya! i remembered... because there was a couple that came in to see the doctor and the wife is 8 years older than her husband! Gosh~ she 42, he 34! i was still wondering what their relationship was when they entered the clinic, until my colleague confirm to me saying that they are married! Man, i won't accept the fact if i have to get married to someone younger than me... so does this prove that age doesn't matter? haha... so that means i can get married soon.. YA... and not because of short gun but because i want to settle down fast. lame! so we were chatting, as usual, because we are damn free and bored to tears, and she said that a guy around 25 to 28 years of age should me best for me in terms of thinking and way he handles stuffs... hmm... putting it into some consideration, quite true! he has a stable career, able to start a family, can think of the future, knows and went though the storms of life.... Yup! so attention all macho looking mature man at the age of 26-28 years, FULL-TIME HUSBAND NEEDED. haha...
criteria to meet:
1) must put family 1st
2) have a stable career and income. if u own a car it will be better...
3) must love children, because I'm not good with neither handling them nor taking care of them.
4) must be fit (physically ya?), so as to be able to do the house chores and stay healthy so i don't have to because your private nurse. and plus, i love those muscles: six pack~ ooooooOOOO!
5) holds a degree.. I'm fine with a diploma but you have to be street wise and be quick in thought, other wise you will never win me in words...
6) hmmm.... what else? must have a heart of a women, sensitive ya? not gay nor petty! haha....
okok... i could stop the crapping right here... before i get too lame and ridiculous! LOL.
Hey, but I'm serious about that getting married at this young thingy k? whatever~

mid summer confusion? HA.

2007-04-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

The day is coming to an end again, 24 hours, just *woof* away in a blink of an eye... And look! another week will almost be over so soon. Just like every other normal day, went for my driving lessons after work. it's seems like i getting better already, thinking that my test date is less then a month away scares me... i have to pass it no matter what... nothing is more important than that now. it's my world!!! everything depends on it...

sometimes, i feel so confused. what do i actually want in life? i often get easily excited over the smallest things. grow up! only kids do that! distractions are an always thing. i never do understand the 'better not' theory but the 'cannot do' theory. yup! maybe what 1 of my friend said is right, i never know what is pain until i'm terribly get hurt. coming to think about it, my thoughts ran wild again... i really need someone to run my life for me... someone who will set the rules for me, and make sure i don't break them. i guess I'm too playful bah. than how can this carry on? what will happen when i am over at Melbourne? won't it be like all hell let loose? chaos on earth?! that scares me... that's why, sometimes being tired down early to the right person isn't a bad thing after all, because it installs you will all the commitment and responsibility you need to keep you damn focus... Hmmm..... right! having my 'get married soon please' dream again... i think i am just have the thinking of a 24 years old women struck in a 20 years old body bah... *sigh* What this life all about? i don't understand... I'm so physically and mentally so wore out.

you are not alone

2007-04-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

yes i know you are in pain... going through life's hard cold reality... but you got to be strong, i know you can... anyway you still got me? don't you? but please, for shouting out loud, don't bring the whole world down went there is still hope... don't treat life as if it had owed you, but instead ask life what you can offer...
well... i know it's a damn painful thing for someone to go through, and if there's a choice, no one should ever go through all this shit, but it's time to face up to the fact that it's the truth!
Hell you don't act as if you are the only one hurting and ignore everything once and for all...
what had happened, and for whatever it is yesterday, still exist today for god sake! it doesn't means that if a problem comes today, all history will ease itself and become invalid. you will just have to learn how to cope, it's doable. trust me.
for now, all you want to do is deny, hide, turn your back against the world, and flip it upside down if you can. i guess i will leave you this way if that how you want to be bah... i can't force you to do anything because i am no one and in no position to say anything.
but do you hell know that it hurts me badly just to see you in this state? to see once a sunshine so gloomy and down? i miss your smile, that joyful atmosphere you used to bring.
hey!!! can i walk through is dark valley with you? I'm scare of the dark too, but at least two is better then one?
please stop acting this way, you are hurting me...

So i think i should...

2007-04-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

hmm.... so here i am again... maybe it's high time i continue my story; or should i just end it here and start summarizing it? i am sorry that I've became an 'emo kia' again, but sadly i just made a big fool out of myself totally. Thanks to everyone who tolerated my nonsenses yesterday. i apologize if my words i had said unknowingly hurt or offended you. i seriously didn't mean it.

yup...
back to Sunday...
it's just something i will never understand. but please don't treat me like a tissue paper, use liao then throw. because i also have feelings too. and i also have a mother that gave birth to me. please don't blame the tissue paper for causing you to have flu, because though it's only one piece, but it's still of good help and never caused you harm... cherish it!

crap! I'm talking rubbish again...

What's happening?

2007-04-16T18:53:00.002+08:00

A picture speaks a thousand words. 101 thoughts stumbled across my mind...

*sigh*

You will never fully understand the pain...

2007-04-15T22:37:00.001+08:00

I was quite engrossed with what life had to offer this feel days... Therefore neglected everything else. Wasn't feeling at my best this few days also... *sigh*
Friday the 13
Knocked off early, therefore went to meet Lihui for lunch at her mum's place... The food was extra nice.. Maybe it's also because i was damn hungry too... But really, the ban mian is a must eat sia... Saw a turbo charged Lexus on my way there... The owner must be crazy, that car also can put turbo.. Might as well install one in a Picanto loh~!
Anyway, went for my driving lesson after lunch, then met a friend for dinner after that... He picked me up from the driving centre.. But was being verbally 'shoot' by him ever since i sat in the car till i was sent back home... So irritating... I guessed he woke up from the wrong side of the bed today. Still said i grew fatter.. Did i? If so, i will go on diet then.
My driving progress still not bad.. my instructor still praised me abit on my parking and crank course today.. He said for a girl, not bad.. Hee^ Of course! Haha~

Sat 14/04/07
Dragged myself to work today... Who would want to go to work on a sat morning? sianZ... After that met Lihui again to celebrate her early birthday... Actually was suppose to be on Sunday one, but i got plans... Ha~ So went Kboxs to sing... brought her a cake from NYDC... Damn, it looked damn nice la, i think i will go and buy 1 for myself too 1 day when i have $.. Haha.. so broke! Then when walking aimless around city hall, then finally found a place to sit down around 9 plus and started to have a heart to heart talk.. *sigh* we concluded that life suxs, and love is nothing but headaches!!!

The cake i brought her! Looks YUMMIE right... But X too you know... Hee^

Two bored girls at City hall... Sianz...

Who needs a door anyway?

2007-04-11T23:10:00.000+08:00

Freakingly irritated today... Was woke up in the wee hours of the morning, hell knows what time!?, to be told that my main door's lock is spoiled and the key is struck! Shit! Man, i was thinking so this is it sia, the whole family won't be going anywhere today and work will be a miss for all... Damn! Not because i like like work, but i won't want to give a bad impression to my boss on my second week there! I was like what the *toot*! What a thing to start a day... So called the lock smith and paid a hell 95 bucks to drill out the lock! Freak~ Alright alright, at least now it's over... Got a new lock and stuffs... Yup, so that's about it...

2007-04-11T00:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you.
There is just something about him that you can't put into words.
And even though you're not with him, you don't want to let him go..

2007-04-10T20:39:00.001+08:00

ARRRHHHH! I really feel like screaming and i think I'm going to explode! Yes, many things in life is often beyond our control, and i have to totally agree on that that sometimes, things just won't go the way we want it to be... Love is not to order... But no matter how hard i try, no matter what i do, putting away that 4 letter word away and not letting it out is driving me nuts.... For those who don't know me well, i bet they will think i am one big emo freak! Day in day out so emotional about stuffs... "Take it easy!" You'll say. You're right, maybe i am... However, ever since i tried to stop all my nonsenses, and divert all my attention onto better stuffs, i get all clotted up inside.... I feel so lost without that someone. I feel empty without that someone. Why?! Someone Please tell me why?!
I always thought i was a very independent girl, a career minded, care free, no one can control me type of person... But recently only did i realised that I've became so submissive, so agreeable, so yes dear, anything you want dear kind of person! What had happened? Had i changed or is it the person's influences on me? Gosh! I feel like I'm going mad....
I know whatever i say now, it won't make you change the way you think. You might even think i am childish, self centred and stubborn... But i just want only the sweetest and happiest moments and memories before i leave this place to further heights. That i could never have to drop a single drop of tears, and be embraced in you arms once again for the last time before i start missing it for the next 2 and a half years? Can u be so cruel not to fulfil this easily contented child's wish, to be felt loved and be the whole world to you just like you had for your ex? You only have to bluff me for 2 months, because i know you still can't replace her in your heart... But after that, only God will know when or ever will we see each other again... Because if we were never meant to be, even flesh and blood can never bring us together. Don't worry, no pressure, i don't like it when you don't smile and is so unhappy. I just want to wish you well... Well, at least I realized your smile that very fine day, had a big enough impact to brighten up my world?! Please don't take away my sunshine! Friend we shall be if you say so....... =/

2007-04-10T19:05:00.000+08:00

I'm going nuts!!!

Time out I guess?

2007-04-10T12:56:00.000+08:00

Hmm... It's another band new day again... Nothing much to look forward to. I had tore tons of paper just now, for office use of course.. haha~ So i guess this is it, from today on, i shall start packing up my emotional baggage and clean up the horrendous mess i created ever since God knows when?! Surely and sadly, enough is enough! I rest my heart. hmm... Sounds so emotional right...? haha...
Looking back at the days where we spent together, it was just so hmmmmm, sweet... Yup, that word should be able to summarize it all... Nothing much for me to say about it now. I rest my case. So i think I'll just have to file them all up as "sweet memories i once had" in my ever forgetful rusting brain. Maybe 1 day, maybe maybe maybe, i can happily reopen this file again and continue the story. I do wish~ *Sigh* So IF just 1 fine day, and you look high and low, over every mountain and dive every sea,from the east to the west, combing every city and towns, looking for me; believe me this once ya, don't bother hunting for me anymore... Just call my name. Because i am no more existing on planet earth, but living quietly in your heart, sharing every moment of sadness and joy you had, listening to your every complain and hurt, and comforting that ever broken heart. I'm no where far, just too near to be seen, but felt.... Yup... That's about all.. *smiles* Hope i have a nice day ahead... 4 more hours till knock off!

Not so hungry...

2007-04-09T12:59:00.000+08:00

It's lunch time! WoW~ After a long weekend, everyone is coming in to see the Doctor! They must had overslept then came to take MC!! The Doctor here gives MC as though it free you know!? ( ya la, the paper is free what!) Haha...Really shocking to see nearly 50 over patients within a time span of 5 hours... The doctor must have been cursing in her seat! Hee^ And for me, i have been refilling the medicine stock... God knows how much bottles i have poured. My hand were actually shaking... Maybe i could consider buying 1 of those syrup refill back. It's 3.8 litres, confirm drink until you KO! Haha... Bored! Freakingly bored sia... Can't wait till i knock off at 4pm! I will go home and watch my rented DVD... Yup! Shall go check on the boiling water now, then i can make my instant soup! Yummy~

It's another sleepless nights

2007-04-09T02:08:00.000+08:00

what's happening? I really don't know... I just can't sleep! *sigh* So I guess that leaves me with no choices... The violence's shall take it by forces!! And this time, it's my precious sleep for heaven's sake! 4 mores hours before I have to start preparing for work... Gee^ Shag!!!

Maybe it's because of u...

2007-04-08T23:33:00.000+08:00

"I think I love you... coz I miss you... I'm falling for you... now I need you..."
extracted from the song; I think I-Full house

Memories filled my yesterdaes, and dreams of tomorrow awaits, but every today spent with you makes every yesterdae a sweet fairy tale and every tomorrow a day I can't wait to look forward to.

*wink*

[U think, I tot, Den who confirm?!] Hee^

Finally! Almost done...

2007-04-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

you won't want to know how many months had passed before I finally force myself to sit down here and do up this page. Totally had no will power nor interest in getting the page started, till now!! *grin* There!!! My work of art? Not a very fanciful one though, but plain and simple, I'm quite contented with that... So till next time, after i figured out how to do more stuffs, then maybe i will consider editing my blog again ya? hehe... *smiles*

Life May Not Be Perfect But A Beautiful Mind Makes it All Worthwhile ...

Memories

*sob*

attention myself!

a penny for my thoughts? i've gone through it...

Mood swings!

decision making

opphs! my tummy's singing~

Help!

cold cold and still cold!

life's cold reality..

A confused child...

If you spoke rubbish to a road sweeper, you might get some wisdom you know?!

Nature's beauty! For what life's worth living for...

Done...

Say Goodbye- By Chris Brown

sorry...

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

A penny for my thoughts?

A penny for my thoughts?

doc? save me?

Why am I turning towards depression again?

Hmmm.....

Look who's talking?!

I don't have much time left...

mid summer confusion? HA.

you are not alone

So i think i should...

What's happening?

Who needs a door anyway?

Time out I guess?

Not so hungry...

It's another sleepless nights

Maybe it's because of u...

Finally! Almost done...

sob